Happy New Year 2011!

The usual comment/joke which I make on 31 Dec every year since i was 12 is "... oooh tonight we will sleep for a year". Get it? But the joke only is true if one was to fall asleep before midnight. So, you'll start sleeping in the previous year and wake up to a new one. However, for the past 20 - 25 years I have not managed to sleep for a year on 31 Dec. The reason being ... well I suffer from a mild form of insomnia. I sufferred terribly from insomnia starting from my teen years at boarding school and it was at its worst during my A Levels and the first few years at Uni during my undergrad studies. It's not that I didn't realise that I had and still do have insomnia and don't want to get help, but I don't know how to and am afraid if I were to seek help from a professional or talk about it with my friends, people would not view the problem as a serious one. My parents never did help ... they just irritatingly ordered me to go to sleep everytime they woke up in the wee hours of the morning for toilet breaks and see that I'm still awake. I really hate having insomnia because it makes me oversleep and feel tired and groggy. Now, what I would have to do to get myself to fall asleep every night is to either read a magazine or turn the TV on so that it would lull me to sleep. Hubby complains about this, but he understands although he never sufferred from insomnia. He has asked me a few times why is it that it is difficult for me to fall asleep? I said that it's because if I don't pre-occupy my thoughts by reading and watching TV, then I will start to think about so many things and my mind would be too active to go to sleep. My thoughts would be thinking about a myriad of things and most of them would be upsetting or embarassing events throughout the day or throughout my life. I really do have a strong memory especially about people who have treated me unfairly in the past. I also think about things which I have regretted doing. God! I really do need to see a shrink! Hahaha. Hubby's advice for me is simple ... just empty your thoughts as you put your head on the pillow and don;t think so much. i have unsuccessfully tried doing so many times but the the problem is ... I don't know how to space out my thoughts and just not think! So, Happy New Year ! 2011 to everybody and go away insomnia because I really do hate you!!!