Happy New Year 2011!

The usual comment/joke which I make on 31 Dec every year since i was 12 is "... oooh tonight we will sleep for a year". Get it? But the joke only is true if one was to fall asleep before midnight. So, you'll start sleeping in the previous year and wake up to a new one. However, for the past 20 - 25 years I have not managed to sleep for a year on 31 Dec. The reason being ... well I suffer from a mild form of insomnia. I sufferred terribly from insomnia starting from my teen years at boarding school and it was at its worst during my A Levels and the first few years at Uni during my undergrad studies. It's not that I didn't realise that I had and still do have insomnia and don't want to get help, but I don't know how to and am afraid if I were to seek help from a professional or talk about it with my friends, people would not view the problem as a serious one. My parents never did help ... they just irritatingly ordered me to go to sleep everytime they woke up in the wee hours of the morning for toilet breaks and see that I'm still awake. I really hate having insomnia because it makes me oversleep and feel tired and groggy. Now, what I would have to do to get myself to fall asleep every night is to either read a magazine or turn the TV on so that it would lull me to sleep. Hubby complains about this, but he understands although he never sufferred from insomnia. He has asked me a few times why is it that it is difficult for me to fall asleep? I said that it's because if I don't pre-occupy my thoughts by reading and watching TV, then I will start to think about so many things and my mind would be too active to go to sleep. My thoughts would be thinking about a myriad of things and most of them would be upsetting or embarassing events throughout the day or throughout my life. I really do have a strong memory especially about people who have treated me unfairly in the past. I also think about things which I have regretted doing. God! I really do need to see a shrink! Hahaha. Hubby's advice for me is simple ... just empty your thoughts as you put your head on the pillow and don;t think so much. i have unsuccessfully tried doing so many times but the the problem is ... I don't know how to space out my thoughts and just not think! So, Happy New Year ! 2011 to everybody and go away insomnia because I really do hate you!!!

Struggling ....

I've been trying to get myself to continue working on my thesis but the mood is just not there ... it's been like this for the last few days. So, as usual, when I am not progressing with my work, I start to feel stifled, worried and antsy. I know I've got to push myself but I just can't ...i can't even force myself to read what I've written so far. What is more worrying is that my supervisor wants to see what I have done so far with my 2nd Chapter and I am supposed to email him whatever I have by the end of this month ... which is just a few more days ... yikes!!! Based on my experience, I am always more productive when I'm writing at home in Malaysia. Why is this so? Well ... simple ... my support network is there, I'm in familiar surroundings ... i don't have to spend time cooking, I can release whatever pent up emotions whenever I need to, by going anywhere or eating anything I like. If there is expertise in Malaysian academic institutions in my research field ... i would have been more than happy to study in my country.
But at the same time, I do have to admit that institutions of higher learning in UK have way way much better academic and research culture as compared to Malaysia. Well, i guess i am just angry with myself for being undisciplined. i wish there was a pill I could swallow to overcome this negative mood and just get on with my writing coz i need to finish my PhD on time and get home ASAP!

Money Money Money

It's another day in Dec in UK. Hmmm ... what should I do to fill my time today before going to bed again tonight? ... apart from writing my thesis la ... Firstly, need to settle the necessities ... have to go to ASDA to buy groceries. Sekali pegi nearly 200 pounds habis ... that's nearly RM1000. So, our groceries bill for a month comes up to nearly RM2000. Note to JPA ... please revert the allowance for Norwich back to Kadar B ... this place ain't cheap ... the std of living is similar to Cambridge tau! (Before the allowance review Norwich was given Kadar B)

Judge for yourself ... my rent+water is 650 pounds per month, other monthly expenses ; car insurance 39 pounds, hp 60 pounds, groceries 400 pounds. So total is 1149 pounds. Utilities (gas, electricity) charged quarterly is about 90 pounds. I'm living cheaply because I'm staying in uni accomodation. If I were to live off campus it would be more expensive because of utilities. The Uni subsidises the utilies for uni accomodation. Anyways ... the monthly allowance provided to my family and I is slightly above 1000 pounds monthly. It barely covers my necessities ... because I have not included my academic expenses such as books, printing, papers etc. So, I have no choice but to use the remainder of my salary to ensure my family and I can live comfortably. At least hubby has started to work here... so, hopefully, it will ease things for us. Oh yes ... and annually there are also road tax 260 pounds, TV licence 150 pounds, parking charges 75 pounds and MOT 30 pounds ... all these I have to save money for. So, moral of the story ... for my service peers who wishes to study in UK ... you must really be prepared not only academically and mentally but also financially. You can't save money to bring home to Malaysia unless there's a way to supplement your income and you're staying in areas where the std of living is low such as Durham. I didn't really have much choice where the uni is concerned because the leading research centre in UK for my research filed is in UEA. If you want to bring back a substantial amount of money to Malaysia at the end of your study period ... study in Japan or Germany where the allowance given is bountiful.

Surprise!

Hubby decided that we should go to Braintree Designer Outlet Village in Colchester to celebrate my Bday ... a nice surprise indeed! Hubby bought me a beautiful blue coloured Per Una winter jacket from Marks & Spencer which I have been eyeing for a while ... got it at half price since it's the boxing day sale at the outlet in Braintree. We also bought a lot of goodies from the Cadbury's store, a shirt for Sany from Next and ... jeng jeng jeng ... surprise! surprise! there was a really good bargain at the wedgewood store. It was really good luck for my youngest sister who has been pestering me to look for a good tea set from UK. So, without much ado, I MMSed her a pic of the pattern of the tea set and called her to ask whether she wants me to buy them for her. After getting her green light ... I bought 1 tea pot, 6 teacups & saucers, 6 side plates and 6 soup bowls for her ... it's Johnson Bros and the pattern is called fruit sampler ... everything for just abt RM260. Here are the pics which I am posting in advance before she asks me to. Enjoy!

P/S : Ina, kalau kau tak nak set ni along kau kata ... kami ambik yek ... hehehe ... sbb mmg cantik! See for yourself.

Happy Birthday To Me

Today is my 39th Bday. What should one do to mark the last milestone before hitting the big 4-0? To tell you the truth ... I honestly don't know, but I guess it is only right to start the day by thanking Allah for everything that I have in life. A loving husband, a good son, a lovely nephew, my loving cat, sisters (esp. my youngest who has been helping me with some logistics), parents who are still alive, loyal and trustworthy close friends, houses, a job which have provided me with the opportunity to further my studies overseas twice, also opportunities to travel the world, the chance to do my duty for my country (in my own way) and a cosy salary for my family. The only thing I'm lacking now is a car in Malaysia because we've sold both our cars before coming to the UK.

I hope Allah will grant me a long and fruitful life and that my list for what I'm thankful for will be longer next year ... maybe I'll be able to include an understanding and helpful supervisor (the jury is still out on him till my upgrade in February 2011) and hopefully in 2012 I would also be able to thank Allah for my PhD degree ... amin ...

Merry Xmas !!! or Enjoy the Holidays!! to my Non Christian Friends

Merry Xmas!! Ho ho ho ... but for me and the family it's more like ... bored! bored! bored! Tomorrow is the Boxing Day Sale ... it would be a fun day for me (especially since it will be my Bday)... except that : my money stockpile is receeding AND I don't have anything specific in mind to buy. Plus, hubby is not very happy with the thought of having to go out very early in the morning just to queue in front of the shop to get all the good stuff in this horrible British winter weather! Actually, I don't blame him because I am the type of shopper who hates shopping in crowded places. I take my time in shopping ... my mom, son and hubby notice this and often complains ... but why should you rush when you're doing something that you love?? Therefore, I honestly am not sure whether we will go out early tomorrow.

If not because of the weather I really do feel like either going shopping at Braintree Designer outlet Centre in Colchester or driving up to Newcastle to see Aishah and her family ... but we really don't want to tempt fate in such treacherous driving conditions ... icy roads, many cars on the road due to the holidays. I guess what has added onto our pessimism is the recent death of a fellow Msian student husband here recently. I know ajal maut di tangan Tuhan ... but it's only human nature to fear the unknown.

Thus, being in such an environment has really worsened our homesickness for Malaysia. In Malaysia ... the shopping complex is open even on Xmas day and raya. The shopping complex is open till 10 pm. There are so many good eating places ... family and close friends are always there for you. OK OK ... Enough! I'm sure all of you get the idea by now. Gotta go and have breakfast ... hubby cooked nasi goreng ... hehehe. Will keep you posted!

A Nice but Not So Surprising Surprise

Received a beautiful birthday bouquet from Hubby and Sany today. It's not much of a surprise because I noticed both of them were acting rather suspiciously a few days ago and Sany, in his best endeavour did try to cryptically tell me to expect a surprise today ... so, knowing my hubby, I kinda guessed it's going to be flowers. Although it would have been a great surprise if it was a designer handbag instead. But I know hubby doesn't trust his judgment enough to surprise me with a handbag on my birthday ... LOL.

The bouquet is made up of pink gerberas, white lilies, green chrysanthemums and white petals flowers which I don't recognise ... although it wouldn't have been something I would have chosen myself, it is still a beautiful bouquet especially laden with love from the two most important beings in my life. Thank you darlings. However, I have noticed that the bouquet does look similar to the one hubby sent me for our anniversary in May this year ... but still ... even if hubby and Sany just gave me a bunch of handpicked wildflowers, I would still love it because it's from them. My birthday is not today, but on boxing day. It had to be delivered today because of the Christmas holidays. All I want to say to my beloved husband Shaharim and dearest son Muhammad Shamsany is ... there's nothing else in this world that matters to me more than the both of you. Thank you for loving me unconditionally. XOXO from Meen/Emak

Long Time No Blogging

Hello everyone ... it's now in the middle of winter in UK and life is just so dull and boring ... judge for yourself ... it's school hols yet we can't go anywhere because the roads are icy, trains and flights are mostly cancelled and the weather is sooo bloody cold! I'm also wrecking my brains in deciding what to cook on a daily basis. If i don't cook, there's no restoran tom yum or KFC or McD to order from. The only options are Dellacasa kebab and pizza and Rice and Spice (Indian & Bangladeshi food). I would give almost anything for a plate of sotong kangkung and lala goreng pedas right now!! boo hooo ...This morning, I told hubby that the only other times when I would want to come and live overseas again in the future is if I'm on sent on official posting or if I'm on holiday.

I don't only miss Malaysian food but also my family and close friends. I know I'm nearing 40 years of age ... but after a few months of being in UK at the end of last year, I really do finally understand that true friends are hard to find. It really puzzles me how I had no problems with finding true friends when I was in Msia even after a few months of knowing each other but until now I can confidently say that I have yet to find any msians here who is worthy enough to be my close friend. Instead, what the Msians in Norwich have taught me so far are :-

1. Wearing a tudung does not mean you are a good and trustworthy person;
2. Being an Ustaz does not mean that you always practise what you preach;
3. Money talks;
4. Your upbringing is truly reflected in the way you carry yourself; and
5. Not all Malaysians are not selfish.

So, suffice to say ... the only other person in UK (apart from hubby and my son) who I feel safe in telling all my secrets and grievances to is my friend Aishah who is doing her PhD in Newcastle. We've been friends for more than 10 years and throughout the times we have kept each other's secrets and gossipped about so many things ... yet I know I can trust her.

OK enough abt all the lessons I've learnt in 2009 and 2010. It's going to be 2011 in a few days ... and do I have any resolutions??? Errrr ... NO!! hahaha. Never believed in new year's resolution and don't think I'll be changing my mind about it any time soon. BUT ... I will try to blog more and include photos here to make my blog more interesting. Even if no one reads my blog ... who cares? It is at least a place where I can vent and rant!! Toodles everyone!