Thoughts

I've been thinking long and hard. I've decided that I'm going to take charge of my life again and not let this quest for a PhD degree ruin it. You see ... ever since I started my PhD studies, life has not been the same for me. Previously, I took charge of my life, I never let something dictate what I wanted to do ... and I was happy. Since sept 2009, I've been letting my life get dictated by the demands of my PhD studies ... and it has only begotten me heartache, sadness, frustration etc which has eventually led to some form of depression. Actually, it's not so much the demands of my academic life, but more because of the place and people. I have nowhere suitable where I can go and relieve my stress and to make matters worse, the financial challenges which has engulfed me lately (thanks to the negligence of those who did the paperwork for my allowance) has really impacted negatively the already bad quality of life which I have already had in Norwich. Now, I've decided enough is enough ... I've to take charge of my life once again and just be happy. Life's too short to wallow in sadness and depression and I only have this one life to live on earth. Therefore, from now on ... my PhD studies would have to evolve around my needs in life. My need to be happy, my need for financial security, my need to enjoy life the best that I can. What made me decide to change? Well, the realisation that no one is there to help you but yourself. I remember once, an old friend of mine called Zanalis told me ... "you have to realise and accept that eventually you will be alone. So, you have to prepare yourself for the worst case scenario". Talk is cheap, even good friends will get tired of listening to my problems and just move on with their lives. There has been many times in my life when I desperately needed someone to talk to and there's just nobody there. Yes, I can talk to my hubby, but he was either occupied with work or I just didn't want to burden him by listening to my problems. So, nothing anybody says will ever change my mind because nobody understands or have to face the emotionally destructing environment which I have been living since Sept 2009. I am responsible for my own life and I will live by my terms and nobody else's.